The People Bridge

by Ngum Dilis

From the day you were brought to the earth till you die you have and will continue to cross paths with people.  Some people will treat you well and others will make you feel undeserving and less of a person. Man is not an island. People will always be there in your walk of life, they stand as bridges, to success, failure… whatever we become and who we are to others, let's always bear in mind 5 important things we all should take note of while on the people bridge.

Firstly is to know your worth: No matter how small you think you are, you have a role to play in the universe. You should know that no one can be a better you than yourself and no matter what you think you are you have a purpose to fulfil and that cannot happen if you do not know that. Knowing your worth comes with defining your personality and identity. Ever heard the saying “you attract what you deserve? Or as a man thinketh, so is he”? Knowing your worth guides you in picking a job, a stay partner and helping the universe bring all the good things God has installed for you.

There is no way you can excel in a place of low esteem, don’t hesitate to leave if you do not feel valued. People will make you feel worthless in life, always! You can’t just get past it and if you do not know your worth you may just end up giving way for a lot of unpleasant and reproductive things to be recurrent in your life. People will deliberately make you feel worthless even for things you are worth and you have to brace yourself to earn it because you know what you want and what you’re worth and those challenges aren’t letting you settle for less.

Knowing your worth doesn’t take away the place of effort, you have to put in so much effort to earn what you’re worth. Mind you, there is a fine line between standards, knowing your worth and pride and if you cannot evenly define their limits, you’re as good as lost. When you know your worth you don’t need to talk down on people or shout to make your point, naturally you feel stillness, you will know when to submit and when to go wild like a whirlwind. It is believing in yourself because even if you have people you only truly have you.

Secondly, have an opinion of your own: People are loud, the world in itself isn’t a quiet place, worst still in the current era. You have to own you, own your voice, make your own decisions and figure out what consequences you would settle for. If you let people determine your life and make decisions for you, you’d never really know what it takes to be YOU.

People will always make suggestions, some of which may be impulsive. Parents and partners are the highest set of people with the loudest voices, they seldom suggest and low key feel they know us too well to know what we want, to make decisions for us. There is no problem with getting and implementing suggestions from people, however you should always have the discretion to know the breaking point. Your choices mustn’t always be right but trust me it is easier to face the consequences of your actions than to be a victim of circumstance for another person’s actions.

Thirdly, do not shut down on rejection: Till you learn to see rejection as redirection, you will never sit well with people. Questions like who are you? Can be frustrating but sulking doesn’t get you anywhere better. Were you rejected because you were not good enough? What if you really are not good enough for them? It mustn’t be justified, accept it, challenge yourself always it’ll work for you… Wait, did you know some people face constant rejection? Yes because there’s a great probability that they aren’t or haven’t even started living their lives.

Often when it finally comes, it’ll be worth the rejections. Do not give people the luxury to see how worthless you feel, if everyone rejects you, make rejection feel like something they need to come for, straighten your crown and face it. You only live once, so challenge yourself and the people who rejected you by being alive while you live.

Also, stop being a people pleaser:  Under the guise of being good people, we sacrifice our peace, happiness, good times and feelings, just so others can feel accepted around us. To be a nice person, the goody-duvet. I would rather die than become a people pleaser, it is even worse than dying because it makes you believe you aren’t worth the love you are giving to other people and if you feel you constantly have to bend over every person to walk straight why not just die to ease the suffering. Do not be a people pleaser, define favours that over step your boundaries and know that it is okay to say NO! Do not let others trash talk you just because you seek their validation… How valid are they to validate you? Not that I’m saying do not render a favour or two to people, neither am I saying that being empathetic is a pinot of weakness, no. Indeed we mustn’t always have our ways but that doesn’t mean we should always sit in the disadvantageous positions either… You deserve to be happy, you deserve that love you’re giving out there, you deserve a heart as genuine as yours and no matter how impossible it is, someone out there needs exactly what you give and till you cross paths do not let people bend you over to call you nice, because you would only be nice so long as you keep bending once you retaliate… you automatically become the valiant. You only live once and die once, if you have 3 people you want to save and die for, you can only die for one, you don’t need to solve the world’s problems, solving some is more than enough.  (Inspired by Christiana Ifeoma’s People Pleasing Poetry performance for SlameRoun)

Finally, define measures: Practically, what is measured as too much or too little or fairly used. Is highly personal. How you term something as often, might match another’s, which matches another’s and then the line continues but that shouldn’t be generally imposed on everybody. Define your boundaries and what measures you settle for. If you choose to wear wild makeup or buy really expensive gadgets or pick a luxury car over building a house or settle for 7pm curfew… go all in so long as it works for you.

Learn to enjoy your life to the best of your ability, and that will only happen when you implement these correctly. People were there before you were born and will be there even after you die, to guide you and slam you… all we want is to survive so stop existing among people and start living with people whether they love you or not.

Ngum Dilis is a Communicator, and freelance writer who's determined to awaken people's consciousness and portray the bright side of Love and Life through her art of writing.