What 'ADAMS' Won't Tell You
Imagine having to discover a new thing about yourself every day because how well do you really know yourself? There will always be a new irk, new like, new dislike, new trait, and new dream/ goal. So how are you supposed to fully know someone else enough to be able to spend the rest of your life with them when you don’t even fully know yourself? Women for years have been trying to figure out exactly ‘what men want’, a question which to date seems to be a mystery even with all the movies, novels, and magazines preaching baseless cultural assumptions, some women are still playing the guessing game.
It’s a common notion that you can never know what a woman is thinking or what she wants but men aren’t any different, they’re just simpler by nature but how vocal are they really about their feelings? While some men are in touch with their ‘inner feminist and vocal about their feelings, most tend to act macho and carefree and unfortunately most girls/women tend to be drawn to the macho emotionally unavailable type whether or not they will like to admit it.
Now we can’t tell you what every man is thinking because there’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to men but the first thing you need to know is you can’t change a man. Until a man decides to change, all your efforts will be futile, not to mention you can be single really quickly if you try too hard. We can’t speak for all men because everyone is different and everyone has a type but we can tell you what a man is thinking nine out of ten times but will never tell you;
Make A Move, Any Move
Women love to be chased and while men love the chase, they’ll rather ask themselves ‘what if’ and save themselves the embarrassment of rejection. If you are the least bit interested, make a move. Contrary to popular belief, making a move is considered bold, confident, and sexy. You can be subtle about it if you’re embarrassed; if you catch him staring, smile back, and if you’re bold enough wink. There’s no greener light than that. Don’t be scared to initiate things; a slight touch and relaxed body posture convey more information than your mouth ever could. Sometimes it’s okay to do the chasing and propose the next date.
Let them breath
We do not dispute the fact that bonding is an important part of every relationship but give the guy some space to hang out with friends too. In the same way, girls need their girl time, guys need their guy time too. Let him go out with the guys unless he chooses not to because the truth is no matter how tightly you keep the leash if he wants to cheat, he will.
Be the boss In the bedroom
A lot of people will tell you that you should assert dominance in the bedroom and to them I'll say, stop watching so many movies. While it’s okay to initiate things, most men like to take the lead. But that doesn’t mean you should be a log in bed, be innovative; yes I said it, try new things. When it’s monotonous, it becomes boring. That notwithstanding, taking charge is sexy to some people so you have to find what works for you and your partner.
Stop trying to make him fit the narrative
Your boyfriend not getting you flowers or writing you leaving you thoughtful notes does not mean he doesn’t love you. Just because your boyfriend doesn’t bow to your every whim or overspend on you like your peers’ does not mean their relationships are better than yours. If you want the flowers and chocolate guy then find one and settle with. The constant nagging and comparing him to other guys will drive him away faster than you can say bye. If you’re the romantic gesture type then make it known on the first date so he knows what he is getting into from the jump.
Men love to be appreciated
Just like women, men like being appreciated too. As much as they don’t like their feelings coddled, they appreciate the occasional acknowledgments. The same energy you put into nagging them every time they ghost you or forget an important event/date is the same energy you should put into appreciating them. Don’t go overboard with it but it’s very important to make them know that you see and appreciate their efforts.
Confidence is by far the sexiest trait any female could possess. Whether you’re plus size or skinny you should always remember that ‘you are the prize’ in Lori Harvey’s voice. The way you perceive yourself is how your partner will perceive you and confidence and confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can be clothed in. Overconfidence however will have you single at forty so be confident but not unapproachable.
One problem women face is that men don’t communicate their feelings so they go with any narrative that seems plausible to them. But as Steve Harvey said, men only want three things which can be summed up as ‘support, loyalty and sex’, it’s not rocket science. Figuring out a man, however, does not stop him from cheating or leaving you so as the Gen-z will say; ‘pick your demon and keep pouring holy water on him’.