Women have been cultured over the years to be less, put themselves, their needs, passions, career, their life entirely second to men. As if that isn’t enough, some women are given derogatory status because of their physical appearance. It is commonly thought that beautiful women are more likely to marry husbands of higher economic status than their planer counterparts. Does attractiveness ultimately decide women’s fate in marriage? According to Education and Attractiveness in Marriage Choices Vol. 53 less attractive people are just as likely as more attractive people to have highly educated spouses. In particular, more attractive women are no more likely than less attractive women to have highly educated husbands.

Many marriages are dictated by societal norms. When a man decides to remain a bachelor, for professional growth or personal reasons, it’s not that a big deal. But when it comes to a woman, the same attitude does not apply for many. Despite these social conservatives, many still believe marriage is a choice.

Whether you choose marriage or you are pressured to do so or you got lucky finding a man or woman, it doesn’t matter. What matters is let the choice be yours. To get married is one thing. Staying married is another thing entirely. Marriage is a conscious decision one you make every day to choose the same person over and over again. We choose how to respond to our spouses which makes all the difference. If you respond critically or seek to understand the outcome is different. Every interaction is an opportunity to choose the higher road of love.

In relationships, we are each other’s keepers. No one is above another. Understand your partner's love language. Partners need attention, validation, time, and support and don't be insensitive to their needs.  If you don’t feel heard, try listening. If you don’t feel respected, look for ways you’re being disrespectful.

African marriage in istanbul
Photo by nour kanaa / Unsplash

Always remember It's part of being human to have differences that spark disagreements. We each live in a private, complex, and very personalized universe. It takes consistent effort to build strong bridges of understanding and see things from another person’s perspective. No matter how sweet a relationship is or how deep our love, there will be bumps and bruises. Building better communication skills is like building muscles. We must consistently work at the skill to see improvement. When we practice a new way long enough, it is integrated and becomes a natural part of our interactions.

Paranoia will not do you any good. Don’t overthink and express your thoughts more often. When you feel misunderstood and start doubting how much your partner cares about you, ask yourself, “How true is this? Are there other ways they show me that they care?” Find evidence of caring and keep them securely in the forefront of your mind.

Be a product of your actions and not your circumstances. It’s an illusion that anyone is a mind-reader. When you hear yourself saying, “Why can’t my partner just ...,” stop and ask yourself what it is you want. It’s easy to complain, but much more effective to actually determine what we want and ask for it!

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